Another day closer. Tomorrow I am fixing honey baked ham, ranch potatoes and rolls because it is my daughter Julie's birthday dinner. Her birthday is on the 12th of November. I always make my kids there favorite dinner for their birthday. It will be my last meal. Monday I start my liquid diet.

I had a dream two nights ago that was so strange and actually sad, but I must be really worried about it because I had a dream about it. I was at some kind of a fast food restaurant with Parker my 8 yr old. It was a really big place and they had all kinds of entertainment. There was something going on, on the top level and so Parker was running as fast as he could to get to the top floor. I was trying to catch him but all of the sudden there was this tunnel and I was too FAT to fit through. He slipped away and I searched for him the rest of my dream crying because I thought I had lost him forever. I woke up with the worst feeling. I know I need to do this because I don't want to lose my chance to be a mother and a grandmother. I know crazy dreams sometimes make so much sense to the person dreaming but no sense to everyone else.

This week has gone by so fast. Faster than I thought it would. My daughter Mikayla went to live with her Dad about a month and a 1/2 ago. She really hasn't even spoken to me. I have tried but the answer I got back from her was "mom backoff". That broke my heart. I haven't told her about this surgery. I know I should. I want her to know how much I love her and that even though she doesn't see it or understand the decisions I have made are for her. Someday maybe she will understand how many nights I have cried for her. This is a serious surgery and even though everything is going to be ok I just wanted to make sure she knew this.

FAT you have won the battle up to this point but I will win the war. Victory will be mine.