Dear Stomach

Dear Stomach,

Thank you for all your service for the past 46 years. I have enjoyed being your partner in crime. We have had many wonderful times together and have experienced many yummy things. I must bid you farewell today. I am sure you will be missed in the days to come but you will always be remembered, never forgotten.

RIP

I was trying to sleep till 7:15 but woke up at 5:45 and haven't really been able to go back to sleep. I am nervous this morning. I am sure everything will go good today and I will be home in no time. I want to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts.

Watch out world here I come!!!!!

Well Let the Journey begin. It is 20 minutes to midnight. My surgery is in a few hours. I just took an ambien so I could sleep and I will be getting off work at midnight. I am so calm. I don't really know how I will feel on the way up to the hospital tomorrow morning but for now I am calm. It has been a great day and I look forward to tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and encouraged me. Thank you Matt, I love you so much and I know I have been a pain in the butt this past week. Thank you for loving me.

Getting ready for bed and have one day left before surgery. I am excited but I am so drained and ready for this week to be over. Parker came down with a cold and Mikayla finally came to visit but she has bronchitis. So of course I am freaking out a little. I felt so bad when Parker went to bed tonight because he stood at my doorway and blew me a kiss with a sad face. I usually tuck him in and give him a kiss. He knows he can't get around me much because of his cold. Well just one more day and I won't have to worry about not having surgery because I got sick. I will have other things to worry about. LOL.

This has been a very long week but I have not cheated not even once. It has been tough on me and on my family. I hope it is all worth it in the end. I hope that by losing weight my arthritis and sleep apnea will go away. I hope that I will have more energy to enjoy my family and fitting into my skinnier jeans will be a plus as well.

Good Bye FAT your end has come.

Now for an ambien and some much needed to sleep.

It is 6:30am and I can't sleep. I took some ambien last night and was able to sleep a little longer. Yesterday was a very very difficult day. So many emotions. I wish that the few days before surgery could be a little more pleasant. I wish I could enjoy my family more. I did go shopping with Jessica and Julie last night for Julie's birthday. It was good except I kept getting so anxious and if anybody sniffled or sneezed I was ready to run out of the store. I know its crazy but I just don't think I could do this hell week again. It has been tough. What to do today, What to do?

Maybe I will try to go back to sleep for awhile.

two days to go

Well I didn't write yesterday because I was just too darn onry. My daughter Amanda told me that she read that it gets better after the 3rd day on a liquid diet. I think she is right. I feel a little better today. I don't like not being my usual patient self.

I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and it was very long. I have done pretty good with the thought of the pain until they talked about how much air they pump into your stomach to perform the surgery and how much pain that creates afterwords. They say that it is worse the the pain of the incisions. Oh Joy for me. I am still ok with it. My mind is very occupied with the thought of food. Because they take out the part of your stomach that produces the hormone that makes you hungry I am hoping the thought of food is not longer in control of my every thought after.

I went to Walmart yesterday after the appointment to get a prescription for Ambien so I hopefully can get a little sleep before the surgery. I could not handle the site of all the food. The smells just drove me crazy. I started to get so anxious. I had to go sit in the car.

My hubby bless his heart bought ice cream and a symphony bar. I was a little irritated at that even though I really shouldn't be. I will be so glad when this week is over.

Well it is morning and so this is actually my post for last night. I will write more tonight.

Yes Yes Yes I can do this

Oh man do I feel sorry for my family. Not having food is making me so grumpy. I have 5 more days. I hope it gets easier. I have pretty much decided that when I am not in my office working I am going to stay in my bedroom. I don't want germs or to smell the food downstairs. I just have to stay positive. I think I am too grumpy to be worried or excited. I only have to do the clear liquids for one week some people have to do it for 2. I am lucky.

Tomorrow I go for my pre-op appointment with my surgeon. Not sure how I feel about that. I really do hate going to the Doctors.

I have met some great people on the support forum I joined for people who are having surgery as well. It is nice to be able to talk to people that know what you are feeling. I have to remind myself to only think about this week because if I start to think about the next 4 weeks I get really nervous. I have 1 1/2 weeks after surgery to recover before I have to go back to work. I hope that I can stay positive and heal quickly.

Another day closer. Yes

Well two sugar free jello snacks, a sugar free Popsicle, two cups of broth, 2 protein shakes and water water water, I am stinking hungry. Wow I really hope this gets easy as the week goes on. I have found that the customers at work are really irritating me more than usual. I hope my family doesn't divorce me.

I was sitting in the bathtub and a thought came into my mind. I thought it will really be nice to have the bathtub bigger than me rather than me bigger than my bathtub. It is so strange the things you think about. And for anyone who makes a comment about a person having weight loss surgery taking the easy way out they are dead wrong. This is not the easy way out and I know for me alot of thought and stress has happened for me to come to this decision.

Wow even my post sounds grumpy. LOL.

Well I am a little more nervous but there is still a bit of excitment. I pre-registered with the hospital today. It is official I am having surgery Monday. Six days to the beginning of my new life. Yes this is exciting. I want to look like my big sister. Well my little sis is cute too. I think my brain is mush due to the lack of food. I am not making any sense today.

Rock on Baby.

Well here it is the night before my liquid diet begins. I made dinner for my daughter and my husbands birthday. We had dinner rolls, honey baked ham, salad, and garlic ranch potatoes. All yummy yummy stuff. Strange thing is I was busy feeding one of my grandsons, so I didn't eat that much. When everybody left I went downstairs and got some ham. I bought a delicious cheesecake but didn't have any of that either. I have a little over an hour to eat what I want. What shall I do. I did have my hubby go get me a diet coke a little while ago. Haven't even finished that yet. Strange you would think I would be eating everything in site. I guess it hasn't hit me yet. I am sure it will hit me tomorrow. LOL

My daughter Julie is looking for a house out by me. We decided that when I lost some weight and she moved out here we would start to train for the marathon again. Yes, that is exciting. We trained for it several years ago together but we were running down the canyon and she injured her knee. It was such a bummer because we had been training for several months. We never started up again.

My oldest daughter is such a sweetheart. She called me today to ask how long I will have to be on a liquid diet. I told her it would be about 4 weeks of a liquid diet and then onto soft food. She said "Oh really, I was going to do it with you to help encourage you but I can't do it for 4 weeks". She is so sweet. She is just a little itty bitty thing. She would not last long. LOL What a sweet thought though. She is coming down for Thanksgiving and my girls are making dinner. She offered to put the turkey, mashed potatoes and anything else I like in the blender and puree it. Sounds great, right? This will be an interesting experience over the holidays. I will just be glad to have my children and my wonderful husband all together, who cares about the food. I love the holiday's

Well I shall let everyone know if I ate that piece of cheesecake.

Let the preparation begin. Beware FAT

Another day closer. Tomorrow I am fixing honey baked ham, ranch potatoes and rolls because it is my daughter Julie's birthday dinner. Her birthday is on the 12th of November. I always make my kids there favorite dinner for their birthday. It will be my last meal. Monday I start my liquid diet.

I had a dream two nights ago that was so strange and actually sad, but I must be really worried about it because I had a dream about it. I was at some kind of a fast food restaurant with Parker my 8 yr old. It was a really big place and they had all kinds of entertainment. There was something going on, on the top level and so Parker was running as fast as he could to get to the top floor. I was trying to catch him but all of the sudden there was this tunnel and I was too FAT to fit through. He slipped away and I searched for him the rest of my dream crying because I thought I had lost him forever. I woke up with the worst feeling. I know I need to do this because I don't want to lose my chance to be a mother and a grandmother. I know crazy dreams sometimes make so much sense to the person dreaming but no sense to everyone else.

This week has gone by so fast. Faster than I thought it would. My daughter Mikayla went to live with her Dad about a month and a 1/2 ago. She really hasn't even spoken to me. I have tried but the answer I got back from her was "mom backoff". That broke my heart. I haven't told her about this surgery. I know I should. I want her to know how much I love her and that even though she doesn't see it or understand the decisions I have made are for her. Someday maybe she will understand how many nights I have cried for her. This is a serious surgery and even though everything is going to be ok I just wanted to make sure she knew this.

FAT you have won the battle up to this point but I will win the war. Victory will be mine.

Oh k, wow that was frustrating. I just wrote a ton of stuff and all of the sudden it was erased. Oh that is enough to piss you off. LOL. Ok I don't know if I will remember everything I put but I will try. Here is goes for the second time.

Getting ready for bed. I have been doing alot of thinking today. I went to dinner with my husband, mother in law and sons for Matt's birthday. We went to a mexican restaurant. I love mexican it is my favorite. Jackie (my mother in law) was telling us about her grand daughters friend who just had bypass surgery last week. She has been in the hospital the whole week due to complications. For a brief moment I was scared but then a calm came over me. I knew everything would be ok. I was reading a story on the forum I joined for people having the same sort of surgery as I am having. She told a story about her friend who backed out of her surgery a few months ago because of family not being supportive. A few days ago she died at the age of 28 of a massive heart attack. The doctor said that she would still be here if she had only lost even 50 lbs. How sad is that. I am so thankful for a family that is supportive and if not then they are NOT negative. I am thankful to my mom who has been here for me and encouraged me every step of the way. I love her. I am thankful for my husband who is scared to death for me to do this but knows it is important to me and is standing by my side. He is the best. I am thankful for my children even though they are very worried about me they are there for me, to encourage me and help me. I am thankful to be a grandma to my two grandsons. I love being a grandma. I want to be around for a very long time to watch them grow and to go on field trips, go to sports games, attend grand parents lunch day at school, talk to them about school and who they are in love with this week. I want to be here until at least the age of 100. Yes you heard it right. Remember I will be running a marathon at that age. LOL. I love my family, thank you for standing by me. Thank you for loving me.

Three days till liquid diet. Ten days till the first day of the rest of my life and the beginning of the journey.  My daughter and her aunt are flying to New York tonight to pick up Grandpa.  Tomorrow is my Hubby's birthday so I had this great idea to fly to New York for just one day and then come home.  I was really excited.  The flights looked great for standby. I called Matt and he thought about it and then said "Honey do you really want to get on a plane and then a subway with a bunch of people this close to your surgery"?  Then I thought about it and decided NO NO NO.  I will not take a chance like that, my mind is set.  I do not want to risk getting sick and having to postpone my surgery.  Thank you Honey for helping me see clearly. 

Today I am feeling a bit anxious.  There is still excitement but I think the closer it gets the more anxious I get.  I don't think that is such a bad thing.  Everyday I get on the computer and look at the posts on ThinnerTimes.com.  It really has helped me to gain more knowledge.  I just need to stay positive.  I went and got my favorite candy.  Almond Rocha.  I think I ate too many and now I don't feel so well.  LOL. What is with this whole last meal thing.  Someday in the future I will be able to have a bite of almond rocha again.

Yes Yes Yes I can do this.  I am so excited.  I will be around till I am 100.  FAT make my DAY!!!!!! 

Another day closer.  I have 11 days to go.  I woke up with a cold this morning so now I am freaking out.  I really get germ phobic in the winter because I had pneumonia three times last year and had to be on steroids because of my asthma.  I am taking airbourne, zicam, sinus rinse, you name and I am taking it.  I can't take any meds that will thin my blood now so no ibuprofen or aspirin.   I am confident that I will get over this cold in the next couple of days by pure will power. 

I haven't been nervous today, in fact the excitement is back.  Who knows how I will feel tomorrow.  I keep hearing people who have had Weight Loss surgery talk about their last meal.  My husbands birthday is on Sat the 6th so we have decided to go celebrate at our favorite mexican restaurant.  Yuuuummmmm!!  I am sure I will enjoy every bite. It is my daughters 24 birthday the next week and so I will be making her, her favorite dinner on Sunday the 7th.  That will actually be my last meal. Monday I will start my liquid diet until my surgery. 

I am looking forward to the new me. Yes I can do this.  Look out FAT here I come. 

Well I am sitting here working and my mind is going a million miles a sec.  I haven't really been able to sleep for the last few nights because I am thinking of the surgery and how my life will change.  It will be strange to only be able to eat 4 oz of food at a time.  I won't be able to drink water 30 minutes before or after my meal.  I love water with my meal.  I am also supposed to chew my food until it is pureed.  That sounds so gross.  I have been working on these things a little the last couple of weeks.  It is hard to change these things.  I keep thinking of all the things I won't be able to eat for awhile and when I am able I will only be able to take a couple of bites.  I hope my thoughts will no longer be a slave to food.  I try to imagine myself without the weight but it is hard for me to visualize.  I need to keep working on that.  I am scared but I am excited at the same time.  On one hand I can't wait for the surgery but on the other I am scared for the day to be here.  I am ready for a new me and a new outlook on life.  I used to say that I would run a marathon when I was 90.  I stopped saying that a few years ago but I think I might just start saying it again.  Well this is the end of November 2nd and my surgery is only 13 days away.  I start my clear liquid diet in just 6 days. 

This Journey began on August 28th 2010. 

I have been fighting this battle most of my adult life.  I have won the battle on a couple of occasions but it was short lived.   You are wondering what battle I am talking about aren't you.  The battle is between me and my fat.  My FAT has been triumphant 80% of the time.  But what my FAT does not realize is I have a new weapon. That's right. A bigger,  better weapon.  It's called Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. The short name shall be VSG. This is a powerful new tool that will be at my disposal on November 15th.  I will need to prepare to use this new tool.  The preparation will not be fun but I am so excited. 

The preparation will begin on November 9th, followed up by a system check on November 10th.  I am sure by now you are wondering what the heck I am talking about.

I am having surgery to have the size of my stomach reduced by 75%. I know it sounds a little scary but it is a miracle that I have been approved by my insurance company and that I get this opportunity.  Life is challenging when you are obese.  My kids don't like it when I call myself that but that is an actual fact by doctors standards.

I want to be around for a long time to watch my grandchildren grow up and for my youngest to grow into adulthood.  He is 8 now.  My health has not been the best since the cancer scare last Feb when I had to have surgery up at the Huntsman to take care of it.  My children are so important to me and I can't imagine leaving them.  I just got married to a wonderful man and he would haunt me forever if I left him.  We are getting to that point in our lives that hopefully we can enjoy each other and all that life has to offer. 

So let the battle begin.  Beware FAT, I shall win this one.